Tag: Toddlers

Happy Thanksgiving and an Update

Posted on by mnurture

I am sitting at my computer looking out on a cold and gray day here in Lancaster, PA. I’ve been a little quiet on the blog, Facebook and Instagram these past few weeks. There’s a good reason for my silence – I’ve been very busy working on my new classroom! At the very end of October I took over a Primary (ages 3-6) classroom at The New School of Lancaster where I ran Toddler summer camp and was hired full time in August to run a parent/one-year-old class and the before school program. Needless to say I’ve been busy getting to know the children in my new class and making the classroom my own.

Now that my other duties are almost complete and the classroom is feeling a little more settled, I hope I can spend more time here on the blog sharing the goodness that is Montessori with you!

We had only one day of school this week due to the Thanksgiving holiday and our parent conferences. Holidays can be challenging affairs with young children and I thought I’d write a little about how you can make your holiday a little more stress free this year.

The first thing to remember is that a holiday is special. Holidays come around only once a year and are usually steeped in family tradition. Children are generally super excited about the holiday and we want to encourage the magic that begets the excitement while also helping our children (and ourselves) to maintain some semblance of sanity so we can enjoy our time together.

So how do we do that????

First and foremost, remember that children need the basics of life: sleep and food. As adults we can hold off on eating because we know there will be lots of food at the special meal but young children can not do this. Try to give your children some healthy food choices throughout the day so they don’t become irritable or have emotional outbursts related to hunger. Also make time for sleep, whether it is going to bed at a reasonable time or getting in a nap or quiet time during the day. Proper food and sleep will help your child (and you!) have a more relaxed and enjoyable holiday.

Next, we have to remember that children crave order and routine. Before the holiday begins, talk to your child about what to expect. Think about your child’s temperament. If you have a child who gets overwhelmed easily, make a plan for what to do when the noise and chaos of a large family gathering becomes overwhelming. Find a quiet spot at Grandma and Grandpa’s house for your child to spend time in order to recharge. 

Remember that the holiday is usually short lived so enjoy it in the moment. Even so, it may take a few days of extra sleep, extra attention and attention to routine to get your child back to his or her regular schedule and personality after the big day is over. 

Here’s hoping you have a joyous holiday season over the next month!

Using observation to problem solve

Posted on by mnurture

Happy autumn, everyone! The weather has finally turned cool here in Lancaster, PA. Whatever the weather in your part of the world, I hope you are finding time to enjoy it. This week I started leading two caregiver/toddler classes at school. It was so much fun! I just love talking with parents and seeing all the fun things their young children are doing. Part of the joy is sitting and watching the children in the environment. They always amaze me. The way they use the materials in the classroom and relate to each other and the adults in the room is so fascinating.

I have children as young as 10 months old in class so I put out a few items that are for younger children including a beautiful wooden ball cylinder from Heirloom Kids. This toy is a rolling cylinder with multicolored balls encased inside. The balls cannot be removed from the cylinder. It is a really beautiful toy for very young children. Older children can become frustrated by this toy because they want to be able to remove the balls from the cylinder (but cannot). This is exactly what happened during our class.

For about 15-20 minutes of our time together, the adults sit together to discuss a topic while the children play and explore the classroom in and around us. One little 13 month old was sitting with her mom trying and trying to put her fingers inside the bars of the cylinder so she could remove the balls. She became very frustrated and was verbally expressing her distress. Another parent brought up a wonderful question,”What do I do when my child becomes terribly frustrated? Do I intervene or let her work it out?” Since our topic for the day was observation, this was a beautiful hands on way to explore the topic. 

We stopped to observe what was going on – the child was trying to put her fingers in the cylinder, she was unhappy and expressing (loudly) frustration with the situation. We also talked about child development. At 13 months she is at a stage where she wants to explore the properties of the container (open, close, take out, put in) and the balls in a more advanced way than this toy allows. Thus, she was extremely frustrated. 

After (quickly) observing the situation and thinking about her developmental level, we introduced another material (a basket with a removable ball) and unobtrusively removed the ball cylinder. She immediately quieted and became interested in the new material.

In addition to talking about observation, we had also been talking about the prepared environment and how we can assist our children just by changing things about the rooms they explore. I explained why I initially put in the ball cylinder (due to young age of a few children) and why after observing all the children in the room (who are capable of more advanced manipulation) I will remove it and replace it with more developmentally appropriate toys next week. 

I hope this little anecdote helps you to focus a little more on observing your children, thinking about their developmental levels and how you can change or enhance the areas of the house-room-garden-yard that they come in contact with. By doing so you are helping your child to grow and develop by removing obstacles and enhancing her learning environment.

 

Your Two-Year-Old

Posted on by mnurture

I’ve started a new job at a local Montessori School (if you live in or near Lancaster, PA click here for more information about The New School of Lancaster) and have been spending a lot of time in the toddler classroom. The children in the classroom range in age from around 20 to 31 months old. We have a tendency to lump all toddlers into one category when, in fact, they make some amazing developmental leaps during that two-year-old year. 

Here is a fun video that highlights some of the developmental differences in early, middle and late two-year-olds. 

In this video we can see how the children’s motor development changes in a big way. Their ability (or willingness) to follow directions also becomes more refined. At the end of the video the researcher asks the children to ‘tell a story’ (a more abstract instruction) which is difficult for even the child who is almost three. 

So, what should we be thinking about during our child’s third year of life? I always like to go back to observing their development. In the good old U.S.A. we have a terrible tendency to compare our children to other children rather than thinking about their individual development. Here are two areas to think about:

Gross motor skills – watch how their gross motor skills improve. Young toddlers will be more clumsy when walking, running and doing simple things like changing from a sitting position to a standing one. By age three they will be running, jumping and going up and down stairs with a lot more ease.

Language skills – Typical development will go from children using one word utterances to stringing two words and then moving on to full sentences by age three. Their receptive language (what they understand others saying) is much better than their expressive language (what they can say) at first.

Keep an eye on how your child improves in these areas. Is her development steady? Does she meet the typical milestones? (Click here for a great checklist at each age.) Can you see how different her motor and language skills are now as compared to a few months ago?

What if you don’t? 

I always recommend parents err on the side of caution. If you think your child is not developing the way she should be or if his development is uneven, give your local agency in charge of developmental screenings a call. Your doctor or childcare center can help you find the information if you don’t know who to call. These screenings are generally free and can help you determine if your child is developing at a typical rate or if he needs some extra help. If there should be an issue, it is always best to begin providing the extra help as soon as possible. 

Most of all, have fun watching your child’s development. I know I am always amazed at the transformations I see in just nine months at school. Two-year-olds are fascinating people!

Create a Children’s Garden

Posted on by mnurture

As I sit at my computer and write this post it is raining cats and dogs outside my window. After several weeks of dry we have come to a week of downpours. I guess it’s an evening out of nature. 

I’ve been a little quiet this summer but wanted to write a blog post about a project I have enjoyed working on over the past few months. I’m pretty passionate about getting children out into nature and in allowing them to explore the natural environment. There is a place for the standard playground equipment but I have seen over many years that children really prefer to have a less structured outdoor space. There is more to discover and create when they are left to use the sticks, stones, leaves and plants that are at their disposal.

We used to have a very large holly tree in front of our house that was surrounded by English Ivy (aka the enemy). We eradicated the ivy soon after we moved into our house and had the tree taken down about two years ago. This left a large grassless oasis. Last summer I attempted to use it as a raised garden but there really isn’t enough full sunlight for that kind of project. So this year I decided to make a children’s garden. 

My own children are grown but we have so many children in the neighborhood I thought it would be fun to create a little spot for our littlest neighbors and their parents. If you have young children, grandchildren or, like me, young neighbors,I encourage you to think about how to make a child-friendly space in your yard.

So what did I do? First I contemplated the space. There were three elements already in place: a dogwood tree, the holly tree stump and a truck tire. The space was also already delineated from the ivy which had killed all the grass in an oval like shape. So I knew the space was shady in the morning which would be a great thing for the children. I then thought about what I knew about young children. They need to move and they learn from their senses. I knew I wanted to add some living pieces that would stand up to children’s curiosity and would feed their sensory systems. Thus I planted catnip and regular mint (just a note that all kinds of mint will spread like crazy so be careful where you plant it). I also wanted to add something that would be visually exciting so added a hyacinth bean vine in the tractor tire and up a decorative piece of metal. The vine gets the best little purple pods! 

For movement, I moved some circular stepping stones from the backyard that were given to me by a good friend. They are arranged throughout the garden just far enough away from each other to allow a few good jumps! I also added a stone pit. Initially I thought I would put some construction vehicles in this space (and I still might) but for the time being there are some big dinosaurs and some little people. 

On the tree stump I added some cars (nature parking lot???). I planted some pots with shade loving plants and one with chives (another great herb for smelling and tasting). A few years ago I made some gnomes out of sticks I whittled from our yard. I added these to the chive pot. When our holly tree was cut down I saved a few tree stumps and added those to the garden for sitting or using a tables. Large mulch filled in the rest.

What was the last thing I did? I invited the neighborhood to come and play. And play they did. I’ve gotten photos from some fun playdates in our yard and have heard snippets of children’s laughter from the yard while I was inside working. What joy!

I’ve started a Pinterest board all about children’s gardens if you want to dig a little deeper into the idea. Click here to see it.  If my children were young I would definitely work more in the back yard to create an open ended space for them to be free, discover and create. For now I’m happy to see the enjoyment in the front of my house.

Have a lovely end of the summer. Remember….get out there and enjoy nature!

All About Books Part 2: Toddlers

Posted on by mnurture

Happy June! It has turned hot and humid here in Pennsylvania this week. We don’t have air conditioning at our house and since it’s too hot to go out into my garden I’ve been enjoying sitting with our new little kitten while reading. She’s quite playful so I don’t always get a lot of reading done until she tires herself out. It’s been a long time since we’ve had a kitten in the house so I don’t mind!

I’ve also been having a blast getting to know some new children at Montessori Toddler Camp. We’re into week two now. One of the areas of the classroom is always a little library. I love to see which books the children want me to read over and over and over. In my last post I listed a few things to think about when choosing books for children under six. Here’s that list: 

  • Find books with beautiful illustrations.
  • The words should use rich language. Children from 0-6 are in a sensitive period for language. They have a capacity to learn words almost effortlessly during this period of life. Let’s give them the proper names for everything and help them learn to describe what they see in multiple ways!
  • Keep it concrete. Choose stories and books that are about real life. 
  • Match the word/illustration ratio to your child’s developmental stage. This means few words and simple illustrations for babies and increasing words and more complicated illustrations for older children.

Today I wanted to talk a little about books and Toddlers. I don’t love the term toddler although we use it quite a lot in the U.S. When I say toddler, I’m speaking of a child who is walking (9-18 months) until about 2.5-3 years. As always, I like to think about the developmental stages of this age group before choosing toys, activities and books. So, what do we know about toddlers?

  • They are in the sensitive period for language. Children learn words and the rules of sentence structure during this time. The more language rich their environment, the better.
  • Toddlers continue to learn through their senses. We want to try to incorporate all the senses into their learning as much as possible. Hands on activities are best.
  • Toddlers are refining their gross and fine motor skills. They are always on the move. 
  • This age group learns through repetition. They do not tire of things in the same way they will when they are older. 
  • These children are concrete learners and are very self centered (in a good way). They want information that pertains to their world.

How do we use this developmental information to help us choose books? During this time children will often look at books on their own as well as with you. Help your child learn to turn pages and to treat books with respect. Having a little shelf or basket with 6-10 books available at a time in a common area or in two parts of the house will give your child lots of opportunities to look at books and for you to read to him or her. You will have to decide when your child is ready for books that use paper instead of cardboard. If your child is rough with her books you may choose to keep the paper books out of her reach until she is ready to use them without ripping or throwing. Watching you take care with the books is the best way to teach a child how to care for them. 

Take trips to the library if your child is able to handle it. Our local library has a lovely two tiered half circle seating area surrounded by books in the children’s section. When my boys were toddlers they only wanted to jump off this instead of looking at books. I decided they were not yet ready for the library and left them home with my husband while I searched the library for books to bring home. When they were older they loved going to the library to pick out their own books and had the self restraint to resist jumping of the seating. 

At this age still try to find books that talk about daily life, that have a few more words and may have more complicated photos. Toddlers love to look at the photographs and drawings in books and to talk about them. This is all language learning. The more language you can provide to your young child the more success he will have when he begins learning to read himself. Knowledge of vocabulary words is such an important step in reading readiness.

Here are a few suggestions for Toddler books:

  • My First Body Book (DK) – children love to point to the different body parts in the book and then on their own bodies.
  • My First Things that Go (DK) – vehicles of all sorts to look at and talk about. Take it in the car and see if you can find the real vehicles that are in the book.
  • Richard Scarry’s Cars and Trucks from A-Z (R. Scarry) – A precursor to the classic book Cars and Trucks and Things that Go. 
  • Noisy Farm (Usborne) – Buttons to press to hear the sounds of the farm. Also check out Noisy Train, Noisy Orchestra and Noisy Diggers.
  • Birds (Kevin Henkes) – Beautiful illustrations  by Laura Dronzek and a simple story about all the characteristics of birds: color, shape, size, movement and much more. We have so many birds in our backyard this book was a great one to use when thinking about the birds in nature and learning to look at all their characteristics.
  • 1-2-3 ZooBorns! (Scholastic) – Children love looking at wild animals and photographs of cute baby animals are even better! This is also a counting book.
  • My Dog Spot (Jack and Norma Levin) – This is a lovely book about a dog named Spot. The illustrations are simple and lovely and there is some amazing language used throughout the book ( He laughs by yiping, Yipe-yipe.). The story may seem so simple (Spot likes to chase cats and birds and rabbits and put his head out the window when Daddy takes him for a ride in the car.) but this is the stuff of real life that toddlers can’t get enough of!

This is just a very short list of amazing books that you can read to your young child. Take every opportunity to bring books into not only your toddler’s life but also into your own. Seeing his parents enjoy reading will encourage your child’s enjoyment, too.

I hesitate to recommend reading books on electronic devices whenever possible. Often the device is more appealing than the story. Your child also loses the fine motor practice of using her pincher grip to turn pages and to have the sensory experience of the paper in her hands. These are important learning experiences and steps to later skills such as writing.

Next week I’m going to talk about books for preschoolers. I’m hoping to blog in a different format so stay tuned! I hope you are having a relaxing and enjoyable summer. Now, back to my book (and the kitten)!

 

The Power of Observation

Posted on by mnurture

One of the key principles that every Montessori teacher learns during training is to observe. As a high school and college student, observation was usually relegated to my science classes. I guess that makes sense since Maria Montessori was trained as a doctor, not as a teacher. In order to learn about children she researched, she created a natural setting for young children and then she sat back and observed the children. 

It was through her detailed observations that she learned so much about young children. She watched them with no preconceived notions. She wanted to find out from the children  how they learned, what was important to them and how to set up the best environment to help them grow and develop. 

As a teacher, when things go awry in the classroom, one of the first things I set out to do is observe the class. Let me give you an example. At the beginning of the year I found that the students had a lot of difficulty lining up at the door (which we need to do several times a day). There was pushing and pulling, arguing and fighting. It was, frankly, mayhem. So, I took a day to observe what was going on during line up time.

When observing, you want to really just watch without opinion. So, in my example, I noticed that the children were bumping into each other, standing very close together, had a difficult time knowing what was in front of rather than beside the next person, etc. 

What I always want to avoid is being negative with the children. I don’t want to be yelling or telling them what they are doing wrong. I strive always to keep things positive (easier said than done). What is best of all is if I can change the environment to solve the problem and keep myself out of it all together.

So, what did I do after observing? I placed small pieces of tape equidistant on the floor on which each child would stand. In this way the children were in a line, each person had their own space and there was less pushing and fighting. Did this solution eliminate all pushing and fighting? No. No solution is ever perfect but this one went a long way in solving our difficulties.

Of course, this example doesn’t really help you as parents. We don’t really line up our children at home! What I do want you to think about is how to observe your children and why it is so important.

In my last post I talked about setting up the environment to help maximize your child’s development. Observation can help you figure out what your child needs at his/her stage of development. So, let’s think about a few of the developmental domains and how observation can help us help our children:

  • fine motor  – watch how your child holds things. Maybe your baby is now able to pick up an object she is looking at with little difficulty. You see your preschooler is now holding a marker with the tripod grip. Your child seems to use his left hand more than his right hand. Your child does not use both hands when drawing, putting together puzzles or eating. So how does this observation help you? If you have a child under the age of one, her fine motor skills will change drastically in this first year. You will want to provide her with toys that will help her refine her grasp and that challenge without too much frustration. Once your child is a preschooler and getting closer to that magical kindergarten age, you may want to make sure he is using both hands together and crossing midline (click here for why this is important). The tripod pencil grip is important for writing in kindergarten. Please note that not all children are developmentally in the same place at kindergarten and the tripod grip is one of these areas that develops at different times in different children. What is important is that you are aware of where your child is as he is entering kindergarten. In this way you can be attuned to things that he might find tiring or frustrating and to give his teacher a heads up.
  • gross motor – watch how your baby moves. Does she try to get that ball that is just out of reach? How long does she work on this before getting too frustrated? Does your preschooler like to climb, jump and catch a large ball or does he prefer to sit on the sidelines? After some time observing we can think about how we are helping or hindering our child’s development. Maybe we are so worried our child is in danger that we don’t let her climb trees or the playground equipment without hovering. Perhaps we are always stepping in at the first sound of our baby’s efforts instead of giving her a little space to work hard towards scooting to that ball that is just out of reach. Often observation (i.e. sitting on our hands so we don’t interfere) helps us change our own behavior by allowing our children to continue their behavior even when it makes us uncomfortable.
  • language/communication – What does your child gravitate toward? What does she like to talk about? What sounds is your baby making? Does she respond when another person repeats her sounds? Does your baby have different types of cries? Does she stop crying on her own sometimes? Are all of her sounds distress or are some just temporary frustration? Does your child use eye contact during communication? What books does your child enjoy? What books does he find boring? What subjects is your child interested in? 
  • social/emotional – How does your child solve problems? Does your preschooler look to you (or another adult) to solve her problems for her or can she problem solve on her own? What makes your child happy, sad, angry, frustrated? How often does your child ask for help? How does your child deal with separation? How does he manage when things don’t go his way?

There is so much I could say about observation. I will leave you with this thought. Take one item about your child/family/situation that drives you crazy. Instead of yelling or talking or reading about solutions…..observe the situation for a day (or two or three). Write down everything you see or hear. Put your emotions aside for a little while. Show your notes to your spouse/partner or a good friend. Brainstorm what you think is going on and how things could change. You may be surprised with the solutions you come up with. 

Here’s my last example (because I love a good story more than empirical evidence!!!) One summer my youngest son participated in a camp at our community park. The camp provided lunch for the participants. I often took my older son (who is diagnosed with autism) to the park to play at the end of the camp period and before lunch. My elder son was typically well behaved. On this particular day, around the time the park was having lunch he was having a melt down (you know, kicking, yelling, not following my direction, etc.). This was quite unusual for him. I looked around at what was happening (the other children were eating) and finally had an ‘aha’ moment. He was hungry. A bag of goldfish crackers later and he was happy, quiet and compliant. 

So I encourage you to observe your children every day. Think about what they are doing, saying and how they are interacting. During times when life is stressful, take a moment (or a day or two) to sit back and observe what is really going on. It is in this kind of reflection that we can help not only our children on their developmental paths but also help ourselves on our parenting paths!

Your Child’s Amazing Mind

Posted on by mnurture

 

From before birth, children are gathering information through their senses from their environment. It is this gathering of information that we call learning. Children between the ages of birth and six have amazing abilities to learn in ways that humans can not recreate during any other period of our lives. Dr. Maria Montessori called this the child’s ‘Absorbent Mind.’ 

You’ve most likely heard children referred to as little sponges. It’s so true, children soak up information like a sponge from their environment. 

First, what do I mean when I use the word environment? In the 21st century when we hear this word we think about nature – the polar bears and the melting ice caps, etc. When referring to child development, I am using the word environment much more broadly. A child’s environment is anything and everything that she comes in contact with: the objects and areas in which she lives and (most importantly) the people with whom she lives and interacts. 

The young child’s brain is constantly building connections to help him grow and learn. We are born with our neurons already formed but the connections have not yet been properly built. So nature (our biology) and nurture (our environment) must work cooperatively to help each child work his way to becoming a fully formed human being. 

Let’s think for a minute of all the things children seem to learn effortlessly during their first three years of life. At birth, children are helpless. They cannot hold up their heads, let alone crawl or walk. They are unable to purposefully grasp and manipulate objects.They communicate only through crying. By the age of three years, children can now walk, run and jump. They can eat independently (and even help prepare the meal!). They have learned an entire language…with no formal schooling!

Think about the last time you tried to learn something even slightly complicated. I’ll use myself as an example. I’ve tried several times to learn to knit. I am already a competent seamstress so I do have some background knowledge about how things fit together and my fine motor skills are pretty good. However, the motor skills involved in knitting are different than those involved in hand sewing or quilting (at which I am quite proficient). So, I’ve read books about knitting, watched videos about knitting and practiced knitting. It’s taken me untold hours and lots of ripping out of yarn to barely learn to knit and purl. 

What does this example tell us? Yes, as adults we can still learn skills but it takes much longer and involves much more work to learn new things than it does if we learn them during the first six years of life. We no longer have an absorbent mind.

So why am I talking about all of this? If our children have absorbent minds we should just sit back and let them get on with learning, right? Not quite. Yes, it is true that children will learn from any environment. So it is vital that we help our children by providing the right kind of environment. In order to do that we must first learn about child development. What is my child working to master right now? In child development there are three basic areas or domains: physical, cognitive and social/emotional. 

If you have a one year old, chances are he is working on learning to walk and then refining his large motor abilities. He is just starting to talk (understanding language more than expressing it). He is learning to communicate his feelings (laughing, crying and moments of serious reflection) and absorbing the feelings of others (ever been in a room where one child starts to cry and in a matter of minutes all the children begin to cry?). As parents we want to provide him with an environment in which he will continue to learn and grow in all three domains. 

No matter what stage your child is in there are things you can do to prepare his environment:

  • Keep things safe. Make sure the physical area your child inhabits is free from dangers. Tuck cords out of sight and reach, cover electrical outlets, put away breakable and swallowable objects.
  • Provide proper toys/furniture. If your child is learning to pull up to stand, a low coffee table or soft ottoman can help him work on this skill independently. Children from 0-6 are very concrete learners. Minimize fantasy and toys related to media (tv and movies). There is plenty of time to show your child your favorite Star Wars movie and characters when he is older and can properly understand the fantasy nature of the show. Provide activities related to your child’s skill level. Put away things he is misusing (throwing or scattering about). This usually happens because the activity is too easy or too complicated. Toys (not too many) should have a clear purpose that your child is able to use or is something she is working to master.
  • Be mindful of your words and the words of others. Children are always listening, even the youngest. Provide books and conversation with lots of vocabulary. Call things by their proper names. Converse with your child while you are doing things with, for and to her. Give a running dialogue about the bath or the diaper change. Speak quietly and gently. Keep background noise (television, radio) to a minimum. Save adult conversations about negative news events or emotionally charged arguments for times your children are asleep or out of the house. Children pick up not only the words you use but the emotions behind them and are not often developmentally ready to understand.
  • Engage all the senses. Children learn through their senses. Provide opportunities to listen to many kinds of music and to hear the different sounds that can be made with instruments or just the crunching of leaves under your feet. Talk about the multiple textures of clothing and blankets, the smells of the herb garden or fruits in your lunch box. Show your child things you love visually (different kinds of birds or trucks or quilt patterns).
  • Go outside. Provide your young child with lots of time in nature. Babies can lay on a soft blanket with you and watch the leaves blowing in the trees and can hear the birds singing. Take a walk and let your toddler lead. Don’t be in a hurry. You will be amazed at your young child’s observational skills, physical skills and the amount of focus he can muster.  
  • Respect your child’s feelings. Remember, young children are learning how the world works. Their brains are changing at an amazing rate. Children are learning to be independent while still being very dependent. It can be a difficult time for them. They may be upset at something you think is insignificant. To the young child, what you see as insignificant may be the most important thing in their narrow world. Honor it by naming it. ‘You seem very sad that I had to take away Grandma’s glass bowl.’ ‘I can tell you are angry that we had to leave the park.’ Honoring emotions is not the same as allowing all behaviors. For more information on emotions, click here.
  • Provide order and a schedule. Young children do better when their world makes sense. They like to know what is going to happen. Bath always comes right after dinner. Daddy always reads two books at bedtime. Grandma watches me when Mommy goes to work. No, you don’t have to have dinner every day at 5:30 on the dot. What is important is that your child knows to expect dinner at a certain time of day. It is helpful to have things orderly as well. Toys are kept in certain areas of the house, easily accessible. Things that are special (maybe art supplies for the very young) are kept out of reach but are used together with older brother or when Daddy comes home from work. Having an orderly environment helps the child form an orderly brain. It helps form concentration and attention. Does that mean you have to be a total neat freak? No. Just remember that your child is absorbing everything in her environment. Having things in order (we eat in the kitchen, bowls, utensils and napkins go in this low cabinet, etc.) assist the child as she is learning about her world.
  • Spend time. This is the most important gift you can give to your children. Figure out a way to spend time enjoying each other’s company every single day. Turn off your phone and power down the tv and computer. Give all of your attention to your child. Sing, cook, put together puzzles, coo with your baby, play games as a family, go to the park. Whatever it is that you do, enjoy it and focus entirely on it. There is no email or phone call or Facebook meme that can impact the world in the same way as giving all of your attention for part of your day to your children. 

Today I challenge you to pick one thing to enhance the environment of your child or children. Think about what they are learning and add (or subtract) something to make that learning more meaningful. And, most importantly, spend time and enjoy your child just as she is, today.

Social and Life Skills

Posted on by mnurture

Today I’m going to talk about the fourth need of children: social and life skills. The other needs I’ve talked about are a sense of belonging and significance, perceptions of capability and personal power and autonomy. I find this fourth need goes hand in hand with the second need – feeling capable. Social and life skills are so important for children in every level of their development and are necessary beyond the school years and into adulthood. So much of what we need to do as parents is to teach our children these skills. In fact, our children’s self esteem comes from their skills not from being loved, praised or showered with gifts.

The great thing about this need is that children under age six want to learn these skills often before we think they are able to learn. We have all experienced the two year old who refuses to allow the adult to help but instead says emphatically, “Me do it!” Toddlers and preschoolers are watching all the time. They want to imitate what they see. What do they see? They observe the everyday activities of the adults around them.

Four year old Sebastian is a high energy boy who is often seen zooming through the classroom. He also has some issues with anger management when things don’t go his way. One day he observed me cleaning the classroom easel which gets very dirty. “Can I help?” he asked. I showed him how to put water in the bucket, use the sponge and wet cloths to scrub off the paint and then the dry towel to finish up. He went to work with a vengeance. I watched him for a while and then when I saw his level of concentration, walked away to help some other students. After quite a long time Sebastian called me over to the easel. “Look, Mrs. Bitts! I cleaned it all!” He was beaming from ear to ear. We noticed together how all the paint was removed and he had cleaned the glass bowls and paint brushes until everything looked brand new. He had wiped the water off the floor and put away the bucket and dirty cloths. He had so much pride in himself and his accomplishment.

There are so many ways that we can help young children begin to accumulate skills. As they are learning to do things for themselves and to get along with their peers they are also gaining in self confidence. The book How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk  describes six things we can do for our children to encourage autonomy.

  1. Let children make choices. By allowing our children to make limited choices when they are young we are helping them practice for more advanced choices they will be faced with as they grow older. Think about your child’s developmental stage and temperament when giving them choices – Do you want to take your bath before supper or after? Would you like to cut the bananas or wash the lettuce for dinner? 
  2. Show respect for a child’s struggle. Just because something seems easy for us doesn’t mean it is for the child. It can also be difficult to watch our children struggle. We often want to jump in and fix the problem right away. Instead, tell them what you see – It can be hard to zip up your jacket. I find if you fold the fabric back before you try to put the zipper together it can help. You weren’t sure you wanted to jump in the water at your swim lesson today but then you found the courage.
  3. Don’t ask too many questions. No one likes to be pestered. Instead, let your child know you want to hear about his experience or problem when he is ready to share – I’d love to hear about your day with grandma when you want to tell me. 
  4. Don’t rush to answer questions. Allow children to explore the answers for themselves, first – What an interesting question. Why do you think the moon looks so big tonight? I think we have a book about moons, why don’t you get it and we can look through it. 
  5. Encourage children to use resources outside the home. This one may be better for older children but it is important to help children understand that the world is full of information – Let’s ask the dentist how often you should brush your teeth. This also helps keep you from being the heavy all the time!
  6. Don’t take away hope. Young children are full of ideas about what they can do and will do. Let them dream – I want a horse! So you wish you could have a horse. Tell me about it. Of course this doesn’t mean you are going to buy a horse but allowing your child to expound upon his love of horses and dream about what he would do with one allows him to take pleasure in dreaming, anticipating and planning. 

What I want you to take from these posts about the four needs of children is awareness and intention. Be aware of the needs of your children. They are the needs you have as well! Think about a few things you can do to help your children with these needs. None of us is perfect and we will all fall short as parents (usually at least once a day!) but by taking the time to think about these needs you are on the path to giving your child a better head start in school and in life.

Help Me Do It Myself

Posted on by mnurture

 

My last blog post listed the four needs of children and expounded upon the first – belonging and significance. Today we look at the second need, perceptions of capability. The information I am sharing with you is from the book ‘Positive Discipline for Preschoolers’ and is very compatible with the Montessori philosophy. The title of this post is actually a quote from Dr. Montessori herself as she was describing young children. They want you to ‘help me do it myself.’

If you have a two to four year old in your life you have seen their need for independence. Children at this age are learning they are different human beings from mom and dad, sister and brother and exert this independence in sometimes quite inconvenient ways. They insist on doing everything independently, even when they can’t quite do everything themselves. This can be a harrowing time for parents who are in a hurry. 

So why is it so important for young children to feel they are competent? I think we all want our children to learn to make decisions, learn new skills and trust in their abilities. However, if we never give them the time to practice these skills they won’t learn them. Words (‘Great job!) are not enough to instill a sense of confidence in children. Such constant praise only puts children on the path of trying to get more adult attention. Children need to learn through experience that they are capable people. Feeling capable comes from developing solid skills (pouring a drink, cleaning up a spill, changing own clothes, helping make dinner, cleaning up toys, etc.) 

One of the first things my students (ages 3-6) are thrilled with in the classroom is pouring their own drink of water any time they want. For many of them it is the first time they have been given this freedom and responsibility. We have a small glass pitcher and each child has her own cup. They pour their own water any time during the day and drink as much as they want. If something spills, they are responsible to clean it up (after being shown the towels provided for this task and how to do it). Another added benefit of this activity is that at the beginning of the year the students drink so much water that they also get a lot of practice in using the bathroom! 

We can see that something so basic – pouring her own drink whenever she wants it – builds up the child’s confidence. For a lot of the year children tell me when another student spills something. My response is always the same: “I know that (insert name here) knows how to clean up his spill. I don’t need to worry about it.” And guess what? The child always clean up. He has been given the tools and trust to be confident. No ‘good job’ comment can instill that kind of confidence and responsibility. As adults, we need to find more and more ways to give our children the chances to practice being capable. In doing so, they will become capable and confident.

The Need for Belonging and Significance

Posted on by mnurture

There is a huge difference between our children’s wants and needs. Their needs should absolutely be met. When we give in too often to their wants we are creating difficult problems for our children and for ourselves. So first let us ask ourselves, what are their true needs?

  • a sense of belonging and significance
  • perceptions of capability
  • personal power and autonomy
  • social and life skills

If we can help our children with these four needs they will be well on their way to becoming competent, resourceful adults. Chances are they’ll be happy, too.

Today, let’s look at the first need a little closer.

A sense of belonging and significance. This need seems pretty cut and dried. Of course our children need to feel they belong. And of course we know they belong. The question then becomes….do our children know that they belong? Just because we love our children does not mean that we help them to understand they belong. Belonging means to be unconditionally accepted for who we are, no matter our behavior. When children do not feel this sense of belonging and acceptance they become discouraged and often act out on these negative feelings. Here’s what I often see in the classroom:

John didn’t speak in full sentences when he first began in his new preschool at age 4 despite the fact that he was fully capable of doing so. He did not handle transitions well and needed a great deal of attention from the adults around him. During group activities he often had unusual behavior including refusing to follow directions, shouting out nonsense words, refusing to stay in his seat and generally being disruptive. John’s dad was a long distance truck driver whom he only saw a few times a month. John’s mom was responsible for the day to day activities of both her children as well as working long hours. John and his sister attended the before and after school programs – which means they were at school from 7:30a.m. until 5:30 p.m. most days. 

In situations like these the behavior of John and other students I’ve had in class show me that the student does not feel a sense of belonging. They act out to determine if they are really accepted. They often are sure they do not belong and try to ‘prove’ it before someone else lets them know. These children need additional attention, time and teaching. In most situations, the parents are doing their best and they know their child belongs but the child does not believe they belong. It could also be that the birth of baby into the family throws the child’s sense of significance into question. When this occurs (for simple to complex reasons) the child’s belief is often manifested through her behavior. 

In future posts I’ll talk more about what we can do to help but for now we can do the following:

  • Create and follow daily routines. Especially when a change occurs (like a new job or a new baby) children need to feel stability, that their lives have not changed. Routines help young children understand where they belong in the larger scheme of their family.
  • Let your child help. By allowing your child to help with the everyday activities of home you are instilling in her a sense of belonging (I help my dad!) and also providing her with a sense of competence. It is also a great way to spend time with your child. 
  • Spend time. Give each child just a little of your time without strings attached. No matter their behavior during the day, spend just a little one on one time with each child. This can be one story before bed, a cuddle after dinner or a walk around the block. Time is one of the most valuable commodities you can provide for your children. A little goes a long way. 

We all want to belong and feel significant to someone. It is a basic need of all people. Take a little time today to think about your children, your spouse or significant other and yourself. How do feel significant? What have you done today to help others feel they belong? What changes can you make for tomorrow?

~Information for this blog post was gleaned from Positive Discipline for Preschoolers by Nelsen, Erwin and Duffy.